It’s not often that I indulge in remembering the past, preferring instead, to focus on the present. So for me, this post is very self-indulgent.
I was out with my son the other day and I have to say it’s nice to be out with such a handsome young man. (What can I do, I’m his mom, he is forever handsome in my eyes LOL). It was also so peaceful just being with him without my two much younger girls in tow. These occasions are rare because he’s in university. We had lunch and I tell you, having someone order for me lifted some of the weight of motherhood. It felt great NOT to think. Having someone take charge for a change felt liberating.
I was actually enjoying one of the benefits of an early pregnancy which other mothers would definitely experience, but on a more farther future. It’s nice to walk with someone with a longer stride than I do, because I tend to walk fast. It’s great how I don’t have to answer questions about Olaf and why we don’t have snowmen here. It’s great to talk about ideas, and music, the food, the people around in normal voices, which is impossible had the two girls been with us. It’s also an ego booster to be mistaken for his older sister. (Bahaha!)
I carried this child of my heart proudly, waddling along the halls of UP Visayas and falling asleep in my calculus and statistics class, and eating lots of tamarind candy. It was an easy pregnancy, there was no morning sickness or other horrble pregnancy symptoms many women go through. He was such a perfectly behaved fetus. I also believe younger pregnancies are easier on a woman’s body.
When he was born, he gave birth to a mother too. I learned all I can about parenting, child-rearing, etc and I still have the books to prove it. The best advice I had was from my mother : “Trust your instincts when it comes to your child and you will never go wrong.” I took it to heart and did the best job I could to be a mom, wife, and student.
It wasn’t easy juggling a baby, and studying for exams but I powered through. If there’s one aspect I had no problem, it was finances. My partner was already working at that time and honsetly how much does a breastfed baby require monthly in terms of expenses? I laugh at my younger self now, she was so eager to show the world she can do it all. I’m also proud of her, because she did.
I had roadblocks, believe me. Yaya blues? I’ve been there. For a semester I took my son to school with me because I had no yaya. I don’t know how many mothers did that, I don’t know how many universities allowed that. To this day I feel terribly lucky to have nice and kind professors who allowed me to take my baby to school.
And he was such a nice baby too. Very well behaved. He seldom cried or whined or throw a tantrum. I had never raised my voice at him when he was little. Of course that changed eventually when he discovered he was his own person and decided to explore boundaries I’ve set for him.
When I graduated, my son was there to celebrate with me. Motherhood was so fine with him. He was never a burden to me. For ten long and wonderful years, he was my only child until N came along. You bet he’s the best most badass big brother there is. He’s the kind of son mothers hope for, although he’s no angel, mind you.
I feel very grateful to be this young man’s mom. I have no regrets when I look back at the events of the past. I believe everything happened for the best of reasons.