Okay, this post is in response to the Tip of The Day Writing Challenge
(Go ahead and ask me how to join, it’s an open group!)
So I have to argue with myself on this which sound very much like fun! To make it more interesting,
I’ll pit my 30 something self, with my 16 something self. Alrighty, here goes nothing.
“Infidelity will end any relationship. Cheating is unacceptable. It’s a breach of trust. It’s an act so unforgivable, reconciliation is out of the question. All cheating spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends, have a special place in hell. Or they can be flayed alive until all visible epidermis is gone, then double-dipped in boiling oil and bitumen. Now that’s a fitting end to all cheaters, still, it might not be enough.”
“Boy, you do have a gruesome imagination. What if I tell you that cheating is not a white and black matter, and that couples do get over an infidelity and come out stronger for it, would that come as a shock?”
“Well, that just means everyone’s fine with lowering their moral standards. Have you thought of the trauma, pain, and unhappiness the one being cheated on must feel? I can’t understand why people do this to the very persons they claim to love! If that’s the kind of love you’re promoting, I’m having none of it.”
“16 Something, just you wait till you’re my age, when you’ve lived a little. For you the world is still black and white, but someday you’ll see it’s actually shades of grey with many undefined areas.”
“Sounds bleak and dreary. So tell me about infidelity from where you’re at.”
“Well, it’s like this. Cheating is not the capital crime you seem to think it is. It isn’t clear cut, with one side being the victim, and the other the cheater. Oh we can put labels on them for the sake of labelling, and so you won’t get confused.”
“Let’s look at two hypothetical people, Mark and Pia. Pia cheated on Mark with her co-worker. Now we label Pia as the cheater, while Mark is the victim. Should Pia now be stoned to death? Should Mark leave her? Should he even talk to her? What should he do?”
He should just end things and be done with it. What’s the point of staying together with someone you can’t trust? Relationships are all about trust. Once it’s gone, it’s gone!
Ah! You still have some growing up to do. Go see the world. Fall in love passionately and desperately so it burns and hurts at the same time. Perhaps then you’ll see the world is not cut out of your own half-formed opinions, no matter how empathetically you’ve put it.
“I want you to know that cheating or infidelity which you find so disgusting is common. And it’s not true that relationships end because of infidelity. In fact, studies show that many marriages bounced back and became stronger after an infidelity. Why is that? because cheating is just a symptom of the disease that lies beneath relationships.”
“It raises a red flag that something is truly wrong and should be addressed if both parties are willing to save the relationship. there are studies and studies that prove this and if you ever take time to observe people and relationships, you’ll eventually see what I mean. ”
“Now I don’t advocate cheating as a tool to test the strength of your relationship. And you’re right when you talked about the pain and hurt being distributed freely all around. I won’t even begin to go into the casualties of war when a cheater is exposed. It can rip families apart and the repercussions reverberate down to the future generations. ”
“But what you should know is that people, couples, families, recover from a thoughtless indiscretion when there is true remorse from the cheating partner. It’s a long, slow process that exposes to light all the ugly pits in a relationship. It takes a lot of hard work and commitment to build a relationship shattered by a betrayal of trust.”
“Too much info.”
“Indeed. But there is always a positive side to everything terrible in life. Your attitude will one day be the crucible in which your sanity and beliefs would be tested, and I hope, for your sake, you won’t be as closed minded as you are now.”