How to Irritate The Living Daylights Out of Your Fellow Jeepney Passengers.

How to irritate the hell out of your fellow passengers inside a public utility vehicle is an art form unto itself which many of my countrymen work hard to perfect. This beginner’s guide will come in handy for those who ride  on the jeepney daily and intrepid at finding ways to rub people the wrong way.

Go over this list carefully. Be honest. Have you done any of these?

The Jeepney. Where your daily commute can be heaven or hell, depending on who gets on it.

1. Smoke inside the jeepney. This is so badass, because you’re breaking the law.
2. Refuse to pass on to the driver someone else’s fare.
3. Sprawl, don’t just sit.
4. While getting on it, touch people’s knees,legs, or thighs for support.
5. Sleep. Drop your head on someone’s shoulders. Drool.
6. Tired? Slump down and let the person next to you take the brunt of your weight.
7. Fart inside the jeepney. Especially if it’s a rainy day. Congratulations. Now you earned everyone’s baleful attention.
8. Be touchy-feely with the cutie/hottie next to you. Get ready for a bashing from the boyfriend or venomous looks from the girlfriend.
9. Step on someone’s foot.
10.Step on someone’s new pair of shoes.
11. Raining? Let your umbrella drip on the person beside you or the one in front of you.
12. Eat. With mouth wide open.
13. Eat fruits with seeds like lansones, santol, manga (mango).
14. Slurp your drink. Louder. The passenger three jeepneys away can’t hear you.
15. Wear strong perfume and induce everyone to puke on you.
16. Refuse to move over to make room for other passengers.
17. Place your caller on speakerphone so the world may know you had no sex for 3 years!
18. If you’re a woman, with long hair, allow it to whip your seatmate’s face brutally
19. Body odor. Need I say more? You heretic!
20. Imitate a wounded rattler and whip about as you see a new billboard of Anne Curtis flash by,
21. Talk real loud with your friends. Jostle each other around. You all look like popcorns in a microwave.
22. Peek over what the person next to you is reading. Why don’t you just borrow the darned paper.
23. Try to pick someone up with your stale pick-up lines. Kudos to your bravery as everyone of us gapes in wonder.
24. Try to out stare the person in front of you. Why people do this is beyond me.
25. File your nails, and anything that falls under personal hygiene.
26. Have an all-out fight with your friend, boyfriend, spouse. In this heavy traffic, we could use a little live drama. Lights, camera, and…action!
27.Pretend you’re all alone onstage and belt out whatevers in your ipod. Lucky you with your headset on. You can’t hear yourself but we can. And we think your voice rivals that of the biggest loudest  toad at the bank of the river.
28. Pretend you’ve paid your fare and that the driver’s just plain dumb. You’re a douche, you know that?

And lastly, whistle, clap, rap on the tin roof, stamp your foot or anything and everything in between except say “STOP!” when you want to get off.

Practice makes perfect.

If you’ve done only one or two of these things, you’re a true greenhorn at pissing people off. If you’ve done half of the things on the list above, nice job. You’re getting there.

But if you want to be a star, try to do all the things mentioned here. I guarantee you’ll get your 15 minutes of fame!

I might have missed a thing or two, care to add your tip to the list? Comment below. 😀